I finish a working day. I come home, I help the kids with homework, I throw some pasta in a pan, I possibly remember to throw some water in with it, I feed the cat, I hopefully remember to greet the husband. At some point during that melee, there may be a time at which I can sit down with glass of something interesting and … do what?
Open the laptop and start to write.
But then there is the problem of – ‘Mummy, what’re you doing on your computer?’
‘Umm … just checking my emails.’ (Partially true – I’ve just been asked by my editor whether I mean ‘he licked up to her clit’ or ‘he licked down to her clit’ depending on the orientation of the protagonist at this point.)
My kids, for obvious reasons, haven’t the first clue what I am actually doing on my computer. Only a handful of people do. I prefer it that way. Even if I was in the privileged position of being able to reveal the ‘other me’, I don’t think I’d want to. I find it a privilege to take the stories and fantasies in my head and transfer them directly into someone else’s. Yes, I write sex. I write explicit, detailed, dripping sex. But no-one is exploited, nobody is involved or cheated on or threatened. It is pure imagination. Our imaginations – as long as they stay that way – allow us to do those things we would not otherwise dare.
If I were to discuss that with friends, I think some of that vitality and magic (for want of a better word) would be lost. It’s a little secret, this writing business, a little private gift. I am imparting things which only exist in my head to others, and they in turn are gifting me with their appreciation of it. At no point do we have to get into the messy business of anything becoming real.
I find it hard to discuss my writing even with my closest friends, the (very) few who have read it. I discuss sex with them. I discuss sex with them in as much detail as I write it. But discussing my writing seems to break the magic of the gift somehow, as if I’m betraying my characters and the people their story is destined for, so I don’t do it.
Others amongst you may do things completely differently. That’s just me.
Speaking of a little gift, my latest (well, not entirely gifted, I’m afraid) is available now for only a few pennies. From my head into yours. Enjoy. x