Masturbation? Yes, please.

I’ve written many, many sex scenes in original writing and fan fiction. I still feel like a baby starting out in original erotica, but my fan fiction has been going for a while. Out of the thousands of reviews I’ve been lucky to get over the years (all of which I am so grateful for) I’ve only actually had one which told it like it is.

It went something like this: ‘I’ve just had the greatest orgasm from reading this. Thank you.’

I love and treasure that review. It means I’ve got it right.

The definition of erotica is: Literature or art intended to arouse sexual desire.

What is the aim of the erotica writer?

Yes, plot must always be first and foremost in any story, but then we come to the sex scenes. The purpose of a sex scene in erotica is, to me, twofold. Firstly, it must be essential to plot or character development. At the end of a sex scene, we as a reader must be aware of something in the story or characters that we weren’t aware of before. That is crucial.

But we must also have turned our readers on. And, essentially, that means we need to write something that the reader could, if they wanted, masturbate to or read with a partner (or two).

reading pic

I won’t go so far as to say that masturbation is a taboo, that would be ridiculous, but why is it so rarely discussed? We’re encouraged to have sex. Everywhere we look, sexual imagery abounds. In the modern world, there is an assumption that we’re all at it like rabbits with any number of partners. But the concept of having sex on your own, especially for a woman, is still slightly tainted with being sad and lonely. What shite!

When Fifty Shades took off, there were many commentators who said that the only women who read it would be lonely women who were incapable of having an active sex life with a partner. Fuck off!

Masturbation is the most empowering thing in the world. For a woman to be able to regulate and control her own pleasure is liberating and essential. People are always asked, ‘When did you lose your virginity?’ To me, an equally if not more important question regarding sexual behaviour is, ‘When did you have your first orgasm?’ For men, this is a reasonably easy answer. Boys start having a fiddle down there as soon as they gain control of their limbs. Everything’s easily grabbable and actually sits up and begs for it. For women, it’s not so obvious. You have to really know what you’re doing to climax. If nobody’s told you, it’s almost impossible to do from self-discovery.

I was what I imagine to be quite young (for a woman) when I first orgasmed. I was twelve. I was living abroad and reading a teen music/pop magazine. The agony column contained a letter detailing exactly what a girl should do to orgasm. The following month the editors were in hot water for this particular letter, with many people up in arms that they were explaining something so explicit in a magazine aimed at teens and even pre-teens. But by then it was too late. It was in print and I had a copy.

Reading the column, it was actually the first time I had some awareness that there was this special feeling you could achieve. I just thought sex ‘felt nice’. I had read about climaxes and ‘coming’ but I just thought it meant the point at which it felt the nicest and everyone was happy.

So I gave it a go, following the instructions carefully … (I seem to remember them recommending pillows …) …

Whoa!

Holy macaroni!

Flippin’ ‘eck!

Surprised beauty

Okaaaaay … Now I get it! The world would never be the same again. Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life. Masturbation, from that day on, became an essential part of my life.

It has influenced me hugely. I waited a significant number of years before I went ahead and had real, live, actual sex. If I hadn’t assuaged my curiosity about orgasms and been able to keep myself pleasurably happy, I’m sure I would have rushed into sex before I was ready. This way, I was careful and considered, and made sure that I only did it when things were right.

The orgasm itself is not something that seems to be taught in sex education explicitly. Yes, it’s mentioned, but there is an assumption that you either know what it is already (the boys smirk) or that you don’t need to know (the girls look blank).

Now, I admit, I may be wrong about this. Perhaps you all discovered the orgasm easily and early, perhaps you all are open and honest about your masturbation habits. I talk about sex a lot with my friends, but those discussions usually centre around sex with partners. We rarely talk about masturbation and actual orgasms. It just doesn’t happen. I wish it did, but I don’t want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position. Maybe it’s because we’re English, I don’t know.

I pride myself on being able to give people great orgasms through my writing. Yes, I want my writing to be well-written and critically acclaimed as much as anyone, but if someone tells me, plainly and simply, that my writing is hot, then I’m happy. Why not spread as much pleasure as possible? The world’s a miserable enough place. When you’ve got a moment to yourself at the end of a long busy day, go on, pull out a favourite sex scene and have a wank.

Bliss.

And now the shameless but essential plug (not of the butt variety):

If that’s put you in the mood for some me time, try the Suited to You trilogy. Multiple orgasms on offer with those, trust me. If cowboys get you going, Dust and Desire is out now. If sex between the classes in times past is your thing, In Service to the Senses will do the trick. If pirates turn you on, Claimed by the Captain is out in a few days. Enjoy, and I really, really mean it.

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Masturbation? Yes, please.

3 thoughts on “Masturbation? Yes, please.

  1. Laura says:

    As someone who seems to so suffer anorgasmia, i never get to talk about such things with people, but am extremely open about sex.(which is probably what draws people to me at times, we all need a bit of wank banter) However i always recommend your works to them as i know i still got pleasure from reading them( being hot under the collar was just a cheeky bonus that would sit and make me feel naughty for the rest of the afternoon) and i hope that they will to. This article though is wonderful since we do need to be more open about sexual experiences, fantasies and sexuality on the whole.

  2. So glad you enjoyed the post and that my stories get you hot under the collar! I really hope that they help enable you to enjoy all that our bodies are capable of. Do talk to your friends and appropriate professionals if you can. I’m sure they could be a tremendous support and help. Sometimes it’s a real relief when we do finally get these things out in the open. With sex, it is so easy to assume that everyone else is getting it more often/better at it/enjoying it more than you are. That is rarely the case. We are preoccupied with sex, and often impose incorrect preconceptions on ourselves because of this. Go out with your friends, order some (or a lot!) of wine, and have a proper old natter. If nothing else, it just frees up your perceptions. All the best and thanks for taking the time to comment. 🙂 DH x

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